Happiness and Sadness

It is already May 20—that means that in 2 months I will be in the United States of America!  I can’t believe how fast the time is going.  It’s exciting in some ways to think about coming home, but I wouldn’t mind if time would slow down a little… I don’t feel ready to leave yet.

 I want to thank everyone who sent me birthday wishes a few days ago!  It was fun to celebrate a birthday in Honduras.  My family gave me Hello Kitty earrings and a big sparkly Hello Kitty cake... haha it was nice to feel like a little girl again.  Kathy made me delicious cookies, and my MCC team made me a beautiful card.  Then yesterday my closest friends in Tegus—Elise, Mark, Franklin, Julie, and Katherine—surprised Debbie and I with a birthday picnic at the Villa Olimpica!  It was such a nice surprise and a lot of fun to be with all of them.  This year’s birthday is definitely one that I will never forget!

Despite celebrating my birthday, my heart has felt especially heavy lately thinking about the problems of the country I’m living in, and that I have grown to love.   Did you know that the current homicide rate in Honduras is 99 murders per 100,000 inhabitants, making it easily the most violent country in the world?  That lately there have been 25 to 30 murders every day?  And that only about 5% of them get solved?  Obviously, the ones that get investigated and eventually solved are the ones that affect the rich.  If a poor person is murdered, it is just another statistic.  That makes me so sad.  It makes me thankful for organizations like ASJ (Association for a more Just Society) that work for the rights of the poor in Honduras.  A few days ago a reporter was killed.  The whole country is grieving for him and for his wife and children.   Recently a boy from Nueva Suyapa was sexually abused and then killed by a church leader.  Another boy who volunteers at the hospital with some friends of mine was recently killed.  There are taxi drivers in Suyapa extorting people who get in their taxis, and gangs extorting the taxi drivers.   Watching the news is the worst, because that’s when I actually see the bodies lying on the ground, and hear the people crying.  I hear about things like this almost every day, and it is sometimes hard for me to not be angry and to understand why God would let this happen.  I also think about children, like my two little brothers, who see this on the news every single night.  Is it surprising to think that so many people are becoming desensitized to the violence?   I believe that God doesn’t “plan” for terrible things like this to happen.  And we can pray for Him to stop the violence, but we have to do more than that.  We have to educate ourselves, talk to people, do something about it.  I definitely don’t have all the answers, and most of the time I feel pretty lost about what my place is in all this.  But I feel strongly that something needs to be done, and that people can make change.   Even if it’s a tiny change, nothing is insignificant.  I pray to God that He would show us what we can do to bring healing to this place. 

Important Things

Today both classes that were supposed to come into the library cancelled on me.  This happens fairly often and it is discouraging, because it makes me feel like the teachers don’t think the library/reading is very important.  I think it is important.  I believe it opens up so many doors for kids (and adults), including improving other academic abilities, encouraging creativity, and even being an outlet or escape from real life at times.  So if it’s so important, and it’s obvious that so many kids love library time, why do the teachers keep taking this time away from them??

I was talking to Franklin about this during lunch and he talked about how most people here never read, never grew up reading in school or at home—they learned HOW to read (usually), but didn’t/don’t do it for enjoyment.  I did grow up reading a lot, so of course I think it’s important for everyone because I feel like it benefited me.  But who am I to say they “should” be reading?  I don’t know.  In a way I strongly believe that if these kids were more exposed to reading, they would enjoy it and benefit from it.  I’ve already seen this happen with some kids from my reading club—Isaac, Daniel, Vanessa, Angeli, Jonathan, Quemel.   I’ve seen improvements in their reading abilities, work ethic, and desire to read in just a few months.  But it still doesn’t seem right to say that my view/experience is right and theirs is wrong.  Lots of people do just fine without ever picking up a book.  I think my job here is just to open the door and give them the opportunity to experience reading in a fun way.  I wonder if it will stick with any of them long-term.  I hope so.

I’m going to let me mind wander for a second… bear with me!  Almost every single day since I got here on September 11 I have read books to Hector David and Paolo (my little brothers).  Sometimes I also wonder if my reading to them will benefit them long-term in any way.  If nothing else, they think the library where I work is heaven on earth!  Lately I have been talking with Paolo about the future.  What does he want to be when he grows up? (a dinosaur scientist or librarian.)  We talk about how important it will be for him to go to finish 6^th grade, then middle school and high school, and then go to the Universidad.  How he can do anything he wants, even have his own personal library in his house (he was super excited when he heard that was possible), but he has to study hard first.  He plans to have his own car (like his older cousin, Cesar), his own library with books that aren’t photocopied, a wife (he says she’ll have to be his girlfriend first), and a house where Hector David, Allison, Mama Juana (grandma), Mami Marta, and Papi Hector will live with him.  He has a lot of plans and dreams, and although he is already being drawn in and affected by things that I don’t think any little kid should know about, he works hard on his 1^st grade homework and LOVES to learn.  I’m not kidding—if he could pick any book from the school library, he would choose an educational one every time.  This amazes me because I’m pretty sure I was not like that as a child!  But he is fascinated by science, and especially animals. He makes me read the scientific names of animals to him over and over until he has them memorized.  Even though Paolo drives me crazy sometimes with him mean temper and stubbornness , I love him more than I can put into words.   I just hope that the more he is exposed to the sometimes scary world of Nueva Suyapa, he can remember the things that are important in life. Even though he’s only 6, I hope I’m doing something to help him with that.