Spanish

I haven’t written in a while, and I wanted to talk a little about one of the biggest parts of my life here—the language.  I’ve been in Honduras for almost 2 months, and in Nueva Suyapa for half of that time.  At this point I think it’s safe to say that this is the hardest thing I have ever done.  Spanish is a language that I have always loved and wanted to learn, and now it is the cause of most of my discomfort, frustration, fear, confusion, and random tears.  It also keeps me humble 100% of the time.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a language that I love and want to learn, I just never knew that getting there would be this tough.   When I step back and really look at things, I’m pretty sure that I am improving and understanding more than I did a couple months ago.  I’m probably also getting braver, in that I attempt to start conversations or join in conversations more than I used to.  And I’ve decided to not be so afraid of sounding dumb, because that is unavoidable.  Sometimes I feel like I am making no (or very very slow) progress, and that is frustrating for me.  

One of the hardest parts about being immersed in a Spanish-speaking culture is that I often feel like I have no personality in Spanish.  For one thing, I don’t understand when people make jokes, and I definitely can’t make jokes.  So I’m not a funny person in Spanish.  I smile and nod my head a lot, which I’m trying to stop doing when I don’t actually understand what’s going on because that has gotten me in trouble in the past (ask me about it if you want to know).  It’s hard for me to express pretty basic emotions such as joy, sadness, or excitement when I can only use facial expressions and my limited vocabulary.  I’m hoping that as the year goes along, my Spanish personality comes out a little more so that I can be a real person.  

I also really enjoy getting to know people and having more than surface-level conversations.  The only people I have been able to do this with have been my MCC team and volunteer coordinators, all of whom are gringos.  This has really limited my ability to get to know my family, which is hard because I want to.  As time goes on, I am trying to find ways of asking more personal questions in order to get closer to them, and I think they are becoming more comfortable with me as a result.  It’s just hard when, for example, I don’t understand why they are taking the baby to the doctor again… and even if I find the words to ask I often don’t understand the answer.  I didn’t expect to miss having conversations with people, but it has turned out to be one of the things I miss the most about being home.  

I may have mentioned this before, but I often have no idea what’s going on.  I’m getting used to this and it doesn’t make me as uncomfortable as it used to, but sometimes it is a little overwhelming.  For example, I have gone to the church’s youth group a couple of times.  For the record, youth group is different here than in the US—it’s pretty much for any unmarried person, so I am definitely not the oldest person there.  Anyway, it’s always a challenge in itself to follow the songs and the message, but the interactive game time afterwards is almost impossible.  I often find myself sitting alone since everyone else knows each other already, except when someone is bold enough to sit by the new gringa—which happens once in a while and I am so grateful for it!  These games usually involve two teams and often consist of racing to do something Bible-related.  Racing to do anything in Spanish is not my forte.  I like the energy of it though, and the people seem really nice so I will keep going and hopefully make some friends as a result.   

At work I use the language the most.  I am gradually being given less help with translating.  For example, at my weekly meeting with the school principal this week I will be expected to bring up all the things that need to be discussed with her (instead of my volunteer coordinator bringing up these subjects, and me chiming in once in awhile).  These meetings are usually the most overwhelming part of my work week.  Although they only last an hour or so, I am always so exhausted afterwards and usually uncertain about exactly what all was decided on.  I have also found that I am braver with trying to engage kids in conversation, rather than adults.  They are less intimidating to me, maybe because they are generally more patient and forgiving.  Kids don’t avoid talking to you when they find out you don’t speak Spanish very well, unlike many adults.  

It’s funny… in high school and college Spanish classes I always felt like it came pretty easily to me.  The material tended to be easier for me than many other students in the class, which was a confidence boost for sure.  That boost has gone out the window.   I also realize that those classes mainly focused on reading and writing in Spanish, and not so much on understanding or speaking the language… which seems to be the most practical part, especially if I am living a place like this.  I am thankful, though, to at least have a pretty solid base of grammar and vocabulary to build on.  I can’t imagine starting from scratch!   Last week I also started taking private Spanish lessons twice a week from a guy living in Nueva Suyapa.  He seems to be good at working on conversational Spanish, which I’m hoping will be good for me. 

Well there is my venting session for the week.  Thank you to anyone who read through all of it… I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m complaining too much, these are just things I think about on a daily basis.  On a more positive note, I know that this whole experience is good for me.  It is stretching me more than I have ever been stretched.  Hopefully someday I will look back on this and be thankful for the whole experience.  If I can handle this challenge, after this year I’m pretty sure I should be able to handle any other challenge I come across.   There is so much more I could talk about, but for now just know that I think of my family and friends at home often and I hope and pray that you are all doing well!